Well, Aaron and Caiah left today, before the crack of dawn, to go on a Father Daughter Retreat. I am really happy that they will be able to enjoy this time together, especially in the beautiful surroundings of the Gardens in Georgia that they will be at (should already be at). I am also sad that they are gone for a whole weekend! Micaiah called and wrote me like 3 texts/emails already (on her father’s phone, no I am NOT getting her a cell) saying how much she missed everyone but that she had fun on the plane. It was the first time she has ever flown, well, first time any of our children have been on a plane. When you have 5 + kids, airlines are not the most economical way to travel;)

Anyways, I envy the weather they’re having down there. They text me that it’s so hot and they didn’t pack sandels or lighter shirts, so they’re going shopping. It’s raining and on the verge of snow here. Funny, how weather can be so different…

I ventured out to the store with my kids, plus a little toddler I am watching this week (so that was 3 children 3 and under, and 2 boys only a year apart in age - and if anyone knows what it is like to shop with young gentlemen, well, need I say more…). I was almost wondering how it would go.

To my delight, everything was great:) Really not all that long ago, I used to dread taking my little ones out to the store, but the training at home has definitely paid off. If I expect and train my children to obey me the first time, not to whine, and not to ask for something more than one time, then why would they do any differently at the store? If they “have a melt-down” at the store, it only shows me where I have not been diligent in their training.

I am learning that consistency is everything; that taking the time out to stop whatever I am doing and direct a training session every time they start one, instead of just spouting off instructions that I am not going to follow up on; that my words have to carry weight when I speak, or they won’t listen; that I cannot expect more of my children than I do of myself (like if I tell them not to have a bad attitude, or to be grouchy/emotional then I can’t be going around not controlling my emotions); and many other tid bits here and there.  Life is just one educational moment after another with children:)

Anyways, I hope I survive being without those two for the weekend;) I am hoping to have a girls’ night study with some of the younger ladies in our church today, so that will keep me busy. We have been reading “Beautiful Girlhood” and “Raising Maidens of Virtue“; both are incredible resources with godly values and principles for young women. Hopefully I will also keep myself busy and finish my books and prepare for a series of health classes that I will be hosting here:) (I am really excited about that one… sharing healthy living with others is definitely a passion of mine…) And I am DEFINITELY going to get myself into gear and do some Bible studying:) So, that’s my plan for the weekend to keep my mind occupied…we’ll see how it goes. Anyways, enough random tidbits for now…

So, my blog has been lying dormant for a while… time to brush it off and see if it still yields results:) The book my dear husband bought for me, “Passionate Housewives; Desperate for God”, has been so far INCREDIBLE! Any wife and mother should totally read this book. It is marked with Scripture and Scripture throughout the pages, referencing the Bible to pin down each point. The part that has really stuck out to me (well the whole thing stands out, really, but I have to write something of my own words, right?) is the part that she talks about “droplets of prayer”.  For years she felt guilty because she couldn’t get that quiet time w/ the Lord in the morning. Somehow she thought that God was more interested in her following someone’s plan for having a “devout” prayer life, than just praying as she could throughout the day.

What a relief I felt as I read that. I have been beating myself up over the fact that I just cannot get in some quiet prayer and reading time with the Lord before the children wake up. With little ones who have this incredibly high-tech mommy rador, I have had the hardest time getting ready for the day or even getting out of my bed without someone else wanting to join me.  So, instead of trying to have all of your Jesus time first thing in the morning, she says that it makes more sense to include your children in  your daily interactions with Christ. Talk to Him outloud throughout the day, say prayers while doing laundry, stash small Bibles in rooms where you might have to sit down for a bit, doing devotion and prayer with the chidlren each morning is a good time; any teachable moment where you can use the Scriptures and talk of Christ is great… she went on to call these “droplets” of your spiritual walk with Christ. Afterall, why would I want to shut out my children from my spiritual life? Shouldn’t they see what it’s all about? If they catch me praying, it’s not an interuption, it’s a chance for them to see what being passionate about your Savior is all about. When I am reading my Bible and they come crashing upstairs or bickering, it’s not the end of the world, but rather a time where I could have them read with me, or talk about what I am reading with them in the context of their situation.

Anyways, as I finish the rest of the book, I am sure that more will stand out that I just have to talk about;) The other aspect that I am really really getting a lot out about is the whole feminist movement and what it’s really all about and how it is effecting mothers who are deciding to stay home with their children, but then are turning to these supposed “experts” about how to be a “professional, best” mommy.

It all just gives me a greater determination to train my daughters to be awesome keepers of their homes, to teach them about what it truly means to be a feminine, godly lady of virtue, how God’s plan for the family and what role women play is an incredible honor and great responsibility, and of what true Biblical womanhood is all about

Sometimes in our church, a book gets passed around by our elders for us to read. The books that we are to read are usually very well-written and spiritually uplifting, as well as very insightful.

This time the book we got is called: Raising Respectful Children in a Disrespectful World, by Jill Rigby.

So far, I have made it half way, but I had to say that what I have read thus far totally goes along with my parenting beliefs. A couple of things really struck me. One was the way she explains how pumping up the issue of “self-esteem” in children by psychologists has really damaged society. She makes the well supported point that when people focus on self-esteem they are focusing on what makes that child feel good, what makes them happy. This in turn is totally against the “otherness” attitude that Christ teaches us. Instead we have a society of younger people whose motto is “If it feels good, do it!” And unfortunately, most of the time it is at the expense of others. I appreciate how she made the difference clear between self-respect and self-esteem.

Self-respect is the fruit of discipline; the sense of dignity grows with the ability to say no to oneself. - Abraham Heschel

The other part that has really struck me is how well she describes the stages of children, what their goal is, and the training they need to get there. She sums it up in this chart:

Tots: Birth to two (Goal)Trust (Training through)Establish Routines - Questions they are asking: Can I trust you? Who’s in charge? You answer by: Setting a schedule & Being the parent.

Tykes:Three to five (Goal) Security (Training through)Offer Recognition; Questions they are asking: Are you watching me? Who do I belong to? Answer them by: Paying attention& Showing ownership.

Tweens:Six to twelve (Goal) Obedience (Training through) Build Relationship; Questions they ask: Do you really love me? Are you real? You answer by: Being a good listener & Being authentic.

Teens: Thirteen to nineteen (Goal) Self-respect (Training through) Give Responsibility; Questions they ask:Who am I? Can I be in charge? You answer by: Enabling self-discovery & Transferring accountability.

Anyways, (kind of hard to do a chart on wordpress;)I thought these were good pointers, and of course the book goes into much more detail. She also talks about encouragement vs. praise, setting boundaries without building walls, using discipline and not punishment… and other stuff.

So, if anyone is out for a good read… Enjoy:)

I came across a very good explanation of when a child should use “I’m sorry” and “Will you forgive me for…” in the Child wise book I blogged about the other day.

He explained that for accidents and childish mistakes (immature ones - not done out of malice or defiance) are the time for the “I’m sorry” apology. However, acts of defiance or out of a wrong motive should require asking for forgiveness. When one says an apology, that person is in control. They are not asking the other person for anything, just admitting that they did wrong, even if it was accidental (like spilling milk). Yet, when we have to ask for forgiveness, we put the control into the other person’s hands. They do not “have” to forgive us. It creates humility when you have to ask for forgiveness, which is just what is needed when something is done with a wrong motive - the issue here is the heart.

Requiring a child to ask for forgiveness and confess what they did wrong, will do wonders in his heart training. Humble pie doesn’t taste so good and will cause one to turn from the offense, which is just what we want to see happen, as parents. For example, if you told your child not to go in the flower bed, and then later that day you find him out there trampling them down on purpose, he should be required to ask forgiveness and confess what he did wrong. “Mom, will you forgive me for ruining your flowers?” Also, then comes the matter of restitution. Since he ruined them on purpose, he should be required to help pay for replacements and help put them in. But not on a 1:1 basis, but maybe 2 flowers for every 1 he tramples, since his motives were wrong. Restitution is very Biblical and has been a part of Judeo-Christian tradition for a long time.

Anyways, in the long run, you are helping your child become not only accountable for his actions, but also more successful in relationships. Humility and consideration of others is a basis for any relationship in life.

Well…baby’s crying, got to go. GOd bless!

I know I haven’t said anything in a little bit, and now I am just going to give out some good suggestions for some books for parents or people who think they might be one someday.

It’s the series called “Parent Wise Solutions” by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam. They are really good books about raising godly children and there’s a book for each stage of development. I got the Babywise, Toddlerwise, Childwise, and Preteenwise books. So far the baby one was really good, the child one I am almost done with and is really good… I still have to get through the other two, but so far I am really liking these guys. One of the ladies from one of our youth meeting seminars on parenting recommended these books/classes and I finally got a hold of them.

Anyways, I highly recommend that every parent read them, because they’re just that good. I am going to link them in my book page… so you can check them out there…

So I was reading the book, “The Ministry of Motherhood” by Sally Clarkson the other day…and I totally found my areas to work on. I feel like as parents we are constantly trying to do things better for our children, as least I know I try to anyways. I know that I am not the perfect parent and that no one really ever is, but we have to still try and do the very best that we can, for the lives of these little people depend on us give it our best shot. Anyways, I just thought that some of the main points that she makes in this book were really good, though I have heard each of them many times before in many other books that I have read on this subject (I should have a Masters for all the research and reading I do…hehehe) but the way that she presented them was really inspiring and led me to look at my mothering in another way, the most important way, of course, and that is as a ministry to lead little ones to become disciples of Jesus.

Her main gist was that we need to impart to our children a GIFTS and she uses this as an acronym: G= The Gift of Grace, I=The gift of Inspiration, F= the gift of Faith, T= the gift of training, and S=the gift of Service.

From there she breaks it down into 3 categories for each gift:

The gift of Grace:

1. through the gift of time together
2. through the gift of encouraging words
3. through the gift of forgiveness in action

The Gift of Inspiration:

1. by instilling a sense of purpose
2. inspiring a sense of God’s powerful presence
3. inspiring a new kind of love

The Gift of Faith:

1. in a Living God
2. in God’s living Word
3. in the power of the Holy Ghost

The Gift of Training:

1. training them to think
2. training them to pray effectively
3. training them for tribulation

The Gift of Service:

1. with a willing heart
2. with hardworking hands
3. in God’s strength

I really am enjoying this book…anyways…I guess if you wanted to learn more, you’d read it for yourself
Really though, during this insane season of commercialism, what children really need are godly parents who are giving them these gifts in their lives each day. This time of year people tend to get wrapped up in the things of this world…what do I get this person and what do I want…It is easy to lose focus and forget why we are really here on this earth. Anything that distracts us from serving God is not of Him.

We have been talking about not giving up or going back lately…to keep on the firing line as it were. We are in a spiritual battle and the devil would like nothing more than to get us all distracted with the cares of this life and lose out with God. We’re not to be ignorant of his devices. But if we look through history, especially in the early churches, we see why they missed out with God and why the churches went into apostasy. We have to guard against this degradation from happening in our own assemblies. I know I don’t want the candlestick taken from my church…and I know it won’t happen when there are people who are willing to lay down their “wants” and focus on their “needs” for Jesus and to serve Him with all their hearts, minds, and strength. I just want to make it…to be on the other side and be one of those that when the King is lifted up and we have overcome by His Blood, that we can cast our crowns down at His feet, saying, “Worthy is the Lamb!”

I have been reading the book afore mentioned by Dr. James Dobson. What a thought-provoking piece of reading material. It is absolutely full of technical and statistical information all relating to the world of boys in today’s society. I had no idea the profound affect this ungodly world has been slamming to our younger male population. Dobson comments passionately about many ills in our society that have had such negative results on the male gender, but he especially commented on the feminist movement and the homosexual agenda in today’s society. I used to be a feminist before I got saved. I really thought that all it was about was getting equality in areas where men were dominant. But after seeing these statistics and his viewpoint of how the radical feminists are pushing so hard as to go over the deep end with making sure that girls now have the same rights as boys. I was shocked as I read through his comments and such on how the media and Hollywood portray men as “stupid, immature, thoughtless, and spineless” individuals. If I were a guy, I would be bent way out of shape. Women make awful comments and slams on men through every means possible, Hallmark cards being one source of how wide-spread this is, and society has come to think of this as normal. Yet, if a guy were to make such comments on women, he would have a lawsuit on his hands. It’s just not a cool world when you pit the sexes against each other. Somebody’s bound to be the loser. And why does anyone have to lose? Why can’t each sex be respected and treated with such admiration for the attributes that God has given each sex. It just really gets me going when I think about how far people are pushing their agenda in our society today. I mean really, it’s just another device of that the devil is using to destroy the very threads of a godly society and tear apart the family structure that God instituted.

The studies now are showing that boys are having lower self-esteem than ever before. That they are falling way behind girls in their studies…I wonder why. It’s great that they have allocated more money to develop opportunities for girls to excel at school, but it’s not wise to exclude or ignore the boys in the educational system at the same time. They by nature have a harder time in a classroom type setting, whereas girls excel in that sort of situation with direct instruction. Boys are not made up the same way. For many boys direct instruction is a difficult way to learn, much less when they are not being encouraged and properly guided.

I suppose I feel especially passionate about this topic because I am raising 3 boys with my wonderful husband. I want them to have every opportunity in life to excel in all aspects. I am thankful for the church school that they can attend to avoid so much of the sin and politics that seem to dominate our public schools. Don’t get me wrong. There are some dedicated, wonderful teachers out there…I also have a teaching degree and have worked with the public school system, but the way the system is being worked today completely outnumbers the good that some people are trying to keep in the schools. I pray that God will help our parents to see the culture for what it is and take the necessary actions to protect and stand up for their children so that they might have a chance at making a difference. God knows the state of our times and the pleas of our hearts and truly it is a matter of sincere prayer to keep our children safe and focused on Him. I know He will see those who are truly committed to Him through whatever storms may blow inside and out