What’s the difference?

I came across a very good explanation of when a child should use “I’m sorry” and “Will you forgive me for…” in the Child wise book I blogged about the other day.

He explained that for accidents and childish mistakes (immature ones - not done out of malice or defiance) are the time for the “I’m sorry” apology. However, acts of defiance or out of a wrong motive should require asking for forgiveness. When one says an apology, that person is in control. They are not asking the other person for anything, just admitting that they did wrong, even if it was accidental (like spilling milk). Yet, when we have to ask for forgiveness, we put the control into the other person’s hands. They do not “have” to forgive us. It creates humility when you have to ask for forgiveness, which is just what is needed when something is done with a wrong motive - the issue here is the heart.

Requiring a child to ask for forgiveness and confess what they did wrong, will do wonders in his heart training. Humble pie doesn’t taste so good and will cause one to turn from the offense, which is just what we want to see happen, as parents. For example, if you told your child not to go in the flower bed, and then later that day you find him out there trampling them down on purpose, he should be required to ask forgiveness and confess what he did wrong. “Mom, will you forgive me for ruining your flowers?” Also, then comes the matter of restitution. Since he ruined them on purpose, he should be required to help pay for replacements and help put them in. But not on a 1:1 basis, but maybe 2 flowers for every 1 he tramples, since his motives were wrong. Restitution is very Biblical and has been a part of Judeo-Christian tradition for a long time.

Anyways, in the long run, you are helping your child become not only accountable for his actions, but also more successful in relationships. Humility and consideration of others is a basis for any relationship in life.

Well…baby’s crying, got to go. GOd bless!